The Genius Contingent

Eons ago, when myself and Lord Bunn were but students wasting our lives away and Geocities monopolised the free webspace industry, we ran a website. It wasn't a cool website, nor was it a particulary serious website, but we put alot of effort into it and nearly got it finished. It was called the Genius Contingent and was dedicated to the works of Steve Martin, Dan Aykroyd, Bill Murray and Chevy Chase. The idea was that we would review each and every movie made by these giants of comedic cinema in our own indomitable way - then leave the site and never update it again.


We got close. Almost. The first version went online around 1998 and it was last updated in 2002... by this time I had actually redesigned the whole site and made it smarter, funnier and more attractive, but I never got round to actually uploading the content and slowly, over time, the whole idea rotted away and the website was lost to the sands of time.

Until now. Lord Bunn has discovered, possibly to his and mine detriment, that the Genius Contingent is still alive and well and sitting on a foreign Geocities server somewhere. Well I'll be damned. And here it is, for all to see. Just make sure that when you read you should be imagining it to be smarter, funnier and more attractive than it actually is.

Rose Tinted TV

There were four shows that I particulary loved as a child, that I remember very well, but are now viewed as flops and are too obscure to be even be shown on Bravo. These three shows were also notable because when I got to university and began those oh-so-nostalgic "do you remember..." conversations no-one else had heard of them.

No-one else, that is, except the friends who would later form the Media Lounge with me. This was back in the early-internet days and so they couldn't be looked up and even confirmed as existing, let alone confirmed as being good. Now, through the genius that is YouTube, they can be shown in all their hallowed glory.

First up; Cop Rock - the musical version of Hill Street Blues. I adored this when I was about 8 years old, now I watch it and think that it's remarkable I didn't end up a fan of cabaret.



The second is Simon & Simon, a cop show featuring crime fighting brothers - one is smart and conservative, the other rough and ready. The opening titles below are the ones that I remember, hell me and my sister used to replicate the 'feet up while a car passenger' position as often as possible, but check out these credits too that are remarkable just for how much time they spent looking through binoculars. I wasn't even sure this show was even real until it was mentioned in an episode of South Park.



The third was Automan which was on at 5.15 on BBC1 on a Saturday afternoon. This was another show where I couldn't find anyone else who'd heard of it, until Tom from ML made a flippant Automan joke. In these YouTube days almost anything can be found in an instant, but you have no idea how satisfying it was to find another human to confirm my memories. I recently downloaded the first episode of Automan and watched the whole thing; boy does it suck ass hard.



Finally, there was Whizz Kids. A show featuring kids and computers waaaaaay before even Matthew Broderick narly caused World War Three... my principle memory of this is that the main star slept in his socks, something the 8 year old me found very strange indeed.



I'm not writing this post in a "wasn't kids TV brilliant?" kind of way, nor am I wallowing in nostalgia for the hell of it, and I'm not laughing at how bad it was either... I'm writing this because I find it genuinely incredible that I have a few brief memories of somethings I watched over 20 years ago, and with a few simple keystrokes I can see them all again. The internet is part of everyday life and we've grown accustomed to it mighty easily, but every now and then I'm just blown away by how much it's changed the world. Sure, being able to watch a few credit sequences is hardly changing the world, but I think back to how hard it was convincing myself that what I had seen was even real, and now I see that I have remembered them almost exactly.

Makes me wish I'd learnt French at that age, or maybe the piano, or anything else other than the gaining capacity to remember minute details of shit TV shows.

Octaganarian Profanity

A few weeks ago I was working night shoots on a movie that often had me getting home for around dawn. One morning as I was getting out the car, I noticed a milkfloat steadily climbing the hill that is my road. As I somewhat exhaustedly watched the elderly driver - easily in his early eighties I found myself with a sudden burst of nostalgia.

I realised that the milkfloat is rapidly decreasing sight in this day and age... I thought it wonderful that I could still catch one on the streets, and how it remembered them so vividly from my childhood. The driver had probably been doing this for decades, forced into a simple job when he reached the mandatory retirement age. I imagined him regarding his job as a vital service, as an honour and one that he would do until his dying day.

As a car came down the hill towards us he pulled into the space opposite my car, and smiled at me. I was suddenly overcome by that sensation that you sometimes get early in the morning; that you feel a part of a secret subculture that is hidden from the still sleeping world. That you are privy to a time when the city always looks the most beautiful, and at it's most peaceful, and is the quietest you've ever heard it. For a brief moment I was jealous of that old man.

The car ahead pulled into a space and parked up. The elderly milkman glanced my way, raised his eyebrows and revved the electric motor into a high pitched whine.

"Fucking cunt" he said to me angrily, "he could have told me he was fucking parking. Now it's going to take me fucking ages to get this bastard up the hill. What a cunt."

And with that he forced the milkfloat fowards and slowly it crawled up the hill. I blinked, and walked to my house. Just another day in Sheffield.

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This story reminds me of a monologue that Rob Newman once delivered on the Mary Whitehouse Experience. I can't remember it verbatim, but to paraphrase it went something like this:

"I was laying in bed with my girlfriend early one Sunday morning, unable to sleep. I was watching the dawn light streaming through the open window, and reflecting on the night before. We had had sex, but I had prematurely ejaculated and I was thinking of ways in which I could aplogise to her.

I wanted to explain that life was stressful, that I had money problems and it was a combination of many elements that had made me come early. It had nothing to do with her, she was beautiful and I loved her. As I considered my language I heard in the distance the sound of the rag and bone's man call.

"Raaag 'n' Booone."

His voice slowly came closer and I began to consider the man, how his call had evolved over many years from; "Does anyone have any rag and bone for me to collect" to his now near gutteral cry.

"Raaaaaaag 'n' boooooone."

As I thought about the slow development of his announcements, and my beautiful girlfriend who lay so blissfully in my arms, I rumicated over the two together. The old mans call and my own problems, his changing dialogue, and my intended apologetic language.

Soon my girlfriend stirred and blinked awake. She slowly took in her surroundings before turning to me and gazing, lovingly, into my eyes. I looked tenderly into hers and summoned my carefully planned words. Outside the window the rag and bone man began his mournful cry once more.

"Raaaaaaaaaaaaag 'n' boooooooooooone."

I stared deep into her eyes, took a deep breath and yelled "soooorry I caaame."

I love that joke.

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Been writing a few pieces for Watch With Mothers recently. Have a read if you have time:
Tesco Direct
The Peter Serafinowicz Show
ASDA Adverts
The X Factor

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Oh and I've joined Facebook. Everyone was right - it's really good and useful. That annoys me.

For Sale

Anyone for a signed Bentley Rhythm Ace hoody?


I'll do it cheap for anyone who reads this blog...

Ernest Goes Online

Been very absent from this blog recently. There's no great reason for it other than I have a new house with a girlfriend inside and plenty of work to be getting on with. Simple pleasures.

I do plan to come back here very soon indeed, I just need to learn to manouever my time better and be of a clearer head. Until then I'd like to share with you this collection of 'Ernest' DVD covers that officially constitutes the most pointless thing I have ever downloaded.

God bless the internet, and no place else.

Liverpool Lord Nelson Hotel

Whilst on the 65dos tour Dave Wolinksi and I took to making short tourlogs that documented the day, we aimed to make one for each show and I think we achieved 14 in the end - which is pretty impressive. We set up a YouTube Director Channel and uploaded them whenever we could find an internet connection, and we've had about 4000 or so views so far. I left the tour last week, but Dave carried on with them into Europe and is still making videos as fast as he can.

You can see the 65crew movies here.

A few days ago he uploaded this brief tour of one of the venues they played at, so I have replied in kind with my own.



Classy.

Different Strokes

Recently I have become figuratively addicted to a couple of blogs - both written by women, both offering totally different viewpoints about life on this planet of ours, and both serving as pertinent reminders of the variety of life experience.

The first is the much heralded An Arab Woman Blues which is a remarkably well written and personal insight into a "Middle Easterner ,an Arab Woman - into my 40's and old enough to know better." It is such a passionate blog, every entry drips with emotion and rage and the text is intelligent and informed. While news reports on the Middle East simply fill me with guilt and anger, this blog challenges every preconception about what I thought I knew and gives a genuine, heartfelt and terrifying insight into life in the Western occupied Iraq.

To contrast that I have also been reading News From Chilli which is the blog of retired lady living in Chillicothe, Texas. She updates every day, writing in minute detail about the trivial and important day to day affairs of her life. While it barely moves away from a well-written list of activities, it does give us a snapshot of her character and what life must be like being a middle-class, elderly American.

What separates News From Chilli from An Arab Woman Blues is the absence of opinion. An Arab Woman speaks her mind about politics, about equality, about imperialism and the invasion with striking clarity and an outraged stance, News From Chilli is happy to talk about her husbands fishing trips, her poker games and the haircuts of her dogs ("the girls"). Together they demonstrate the incomprehensibly different experiences of women, and indeed people, in this world. They also represent the fundamental relationship between the West and Middle East... the exploiter is indifferent, unaware and complacent while the exploited is angry, informed and indignant.

Friday was International Womens Day, and so to note this I'd like to compare a short excerpt from each of their blogs on this day.

An Arab Woman Blues
"I declare today "International women's week of Independence... from men."
And I invite you to experience it first hand the Iraqi way, the way it is applied in the "new Iraq."
By the way, any similarities to other countries are purely coincidental.

And since, by the authority bestowed upon me, I am the natural representative of God on earth, I will not only control your body and the way you dress ...
Did you not hear what I just said ? Cover this strand of hair now! Loose man that you are! Why do you insist on behaving like a slut? Have you no shame? Or are you just after your vain, earthly desires?...
That is it, be good so I can always approve of you and be pleased with you...
Sit straight when am talking to you and uncross your legs and keep them tightly closed... and don't interrupt...

As I was saying, since I am God's representative on earth, I also decree that you no longer have any political, legal or economic rights...Yes you heard me right.
What do you need them for? Everything you need is provided for, you are a father, you have your children ... and your natural place...

News From Chilli
"This morning, Jim and I took off for the new Bass Pro Shop in Olathe - at the intersection of I-35 and 199th street. He also drove me around the relatively new shopping center on the other side of this intersection. We made a quick stop at the Half Price Book store, but struck out on what we were looking for.

I took a book to read with me to the Bass Pro and ended up spending about an hour reading in a very comfortable rocking chair - in front of a fireplace. I did look around the store a little, but the rocker kept looking more and more enticing. Afterwards we headed east on 119th until we reached Metcalf and then south to 135th - and then to WilJenny's for lunch. The place was packed today with most of the business in the bar area as the KU game was on tv. Jim had a shaved, prime rib sandwich with beef broth for dipping - it was divine! I had the usual Louis Mueller - brisket with all kinds of extra hot things on it - hopefully I won't pay too dear of a price tonight, but seem to be doing okay now. We were back in Chillicothe about 3:00.

I had good intentions of not napping, but after having trouble staying awake coming home, the girls and I went down for a two hour nap. The Texas/Baylor basketball game begins at 8:20 - so I know I'll be up late tonight."

The internet is great, it connects you with millions of people and helps you learn about their lives - it can give you ideas, knowledge and insight into experiences you had never even considered before. It does make me feel awfully insgnificant sometimes, though.

Shutdown Day 2007

Can You Go One Day Without Using a Computer?



Shutdown Day 2007

What a shite initiative.

Same but different

I've posted this before, but I'd quite like to point it out again as I continue to find it bizarre. My blog address is http://www.dawnofthedave.blogspot.com yes?
Take out the S' of blogpsot and you get http://www.dawnofthedave.blogpot.com which is some kind of Jesus Loves You bible site... what kind of address is that for Christian worship?

Spammed

Of all my posts it would seem that this one is the most popular among spammers. Not too sure why... maybe all spammers are big Low Lows fans, or perhaps they have a thing for beards... hell, it could even be that they do keyword searches for Prunella Scales before choosing which blogs to spam. It remains a mystery to me, but 10 spam comments on 1 post doesn't lie.

UPDATE: This is nothing compared to the 177 spam comments that I've just found on this 65dos post. Jeez. Those boys really are popular.

Caroline Hustings... where are you?????

I have a little service run by a website called Blog Patrol that lets me know how many visitors I have, what countries they come from, what pages refer them, what their IP addresses are, what brand of shoe they're wearing - that sort of innocent thing. Most stuff is pretty innocuous and helps me see how certain links like MySpace, YouTube and 65dos help get me readers.

Every now and then it throws up some interesting facts. The phrase "Swearing in German" is my number one linked from google search, I get more readers from Israel than I do Ireland, a link to my blog appears, inexplicably, when you search for "you tube video feet sniffing sandal" (here's the weird thing, I actually have made a video about feet sniffing and put it on YouTube, but I've never mentioned it here... weird!).

Anyway, I got a link this evening from someone searches Google for "Caroline Hustings" and they went to an old blog I wrote about Friends Reunited in which I talked about a girl who I went to school with called Caroline Hustings. Now, I have no idea if it was the Caroline Husting I went to school with who was Googling herself or a different Caroline Hustings. Most likely is wasn't my Caroline, but what if it was? I never thought about using blogs and the vain act of Googling to try to find people before, so I'd like to try it.

Here is a list of a few people that I'd like to get back in touch with, I've chosen people from school so as to tie this in with Caroline.

David Hughes
Matthew Lilley
Helen Whitrow
Elizabeth (Liz) Morrell
Andrew Bastock

Right, five people - nice and simple. Here are a few keywords to shake the whole thing up a little:

Nottingham Bramcote Hills Comprehensive School Chilwell Beeston Parkview Sixth Form Centre Sherwin Arms Field Moor Lane

If any of these people end up swinging their way here then I'd love for them to leave a comment and say hi. I tried Googling all these people and couldn't find a thing, then I tried Googling the name of every school friend I could remember but still to no avail. In fact the only lead I got was this man: Rizwan Ahmed. He looks alot like my friend Rizwan Ahmed, and his name is the same but his website has no mention at all of every being in the UK and when we were meant to be doing Sociology together he was reputedly a Student Facility Member at a university in New Dehli. Unlikely to be the same guy.

The only person who I successfully found was me. According to Blog Patrol no-one has ever come to this blog by searching for 'Dave Holloway' which I guess is part of the problem of calling yourself Dave Medlo online (another problem is realising it sounds like a surname and thus everyone thinks you've named the business after yourself).

I'm now going to do another search for Caroline Hustings and I'll be damned if I don't get pole position.